My life, My soul, My air
by Femexiee24
Summary: I watched them lower his casket into the ground. My life, my soul mate, my reason for living.  Gone. - BELLA.     ExB.     Just a short story.
1. Chapter 1

**Preface.**

I watched as his eyes took their last flutter, I watched him shed his last tear, I watched him take his last breathe. I watched him go into the unknown.

My life, My soul, My air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter One.**

**Bella Cullen's Point Of View.**

I kept going through last night's events in my head.

Edward looking at me wide eyed before the door was shut in my face that was the last time I saw him breathing...living...being Edward.

He all asked in his room one by one to give us his last bit of peace. Esme and Carlisle, Alice and Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett and then Charlie, he saved me for last.

He told me he loved me and that he wants me to move on, to be happy. But how can i be happy when he has been my life for so long, he has been there always, through everything. My mum dying, to when my dog Jacob ran away. Except now this hard time im facing, is because he's gone. Who's going to be my rock? Who's going to be the person i confide in. Everyone else has someone, now I'm on my own.

I gave him one last kiss, i put everything i felt for him in that kiss, i murmured that i love him and always would. He barley whispered his I LOVE YOU. His eyes fluttered and a single tear trailed down his cheek, his machines started going off wildly. They dragged me out of his room kicking and screaming. He was gone, i just knew it. I just wanted to go back in time and tell him that, he didn't have to go out and get me bread, if he wasn't on the road that night he wouldn't of been hit. He would be here with me right now.

It felt like the whole world had stopped, but i was just hoping for some sort of miracle that he would survive. The doctor came out and said the words none of us wanted to hear "I'm soooo sorry...we tried everything that we could. It just...it just wasn't enough. I really truly am sorry for your loss."

I was in a state of denial, I believed to hard that he would miraculously survive his injuries, that it was all just some bad dream.

I strode right up to the doctor, looked at him in the eye and laughed.

"You're kidding me right? Edward is right down the hall...Waiting for me to come in...Waiting for me to tell him I love him. "

"He isn't down there waiting for you...Bella he's gone." The doctor said softly.

I turned to Charlie and he wrapped his hands around my upper body hugging me closely to him. I sobbed into his chest, he just kept whispering over and over again that everything was going to be alright.

How is it honestly going to be alright when Edward is gone? He is my reason for everything.

Something snapped in my head I pushed away from Charlie. I ran from him, from the heart ache, from what my world once was.

I was rushing down the street and stopped in a park. I sat on a bench it was situated between two trees that covered the bench from prying eyes; I wanted to fall apart with no one watching. I sat there thinking over everything that had happened.

The sun was starting to rise. I could see the beautiful colours swirling around in the sky.

It looked just like the first sunset we experienced together on our very first Valentine's Day when Edward took me down to La Push beach.

**(FLASHBACK)**

I was starring at myself in the mirror looking at my reflection. I was wearing a pair of comfy jeans and my blue sweater, but for some unknown reason to me Alice insisted that we put a belt on top of the sweater to 'show' off my curves, try nonexistent curves if you ask me. Alice had insisted that she apply just a subtle amount of make-up.

You can never deny Alice anything so eventually after a long and heated debate she had won. I was put through 37 minutes and 17 seconds of torture. Yes I timed it. So what. I don't care. My hair was up in a twist that turned into a bun. There were some strands of hair that were coming lose and I hadn't even left the house yet. _GREAT_. A HAIR DISASTER ALICE IS GOING TO _KILL_ ME.

I had everything ready I think. Edward did say dress warm. It was Valentine's Day. He was surprising me with what we were doing. It was our first Valentine's Day together. We were only 15. But been together for nearly 6 months.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

OMG he's here. I should have worn something different. He always sees me in these clothes and it's somewhat of a 'SPECIAL' occasion.

"Bella..." Charlie shouted up to me.

"Yeah?"

"Edward is here are you coming?"

"I'll be down in a minute. 'KAY?"

I can't go down there I look like...I don't know what I look like. But what if he doesn't like they way I look.

_No that is silly Bella he likes you._

No it's not silly it's Valentine's Day. He would expect me to put more effort into it. Wouldn't he.

_Stop working yourself up. It will be fine._

No it won't be fi-

There was a rasp at my door. Charlie peered in. Interrupting me form fighting with my own thought. GREAT. I'm _crazy_ as well.

"Bella you have been up her for 10 minutes. Poor Edward is worrying you're having second thoughts."

"I'm sorry dad, I'm coming down now. 'kay?"

"Yep sure."

He shut my door mumbling something that sounded like 'better keep his hands off of her'.

It's now or never.

I was walking down the stairs and I saw him. He was sitting on the couch, his back to me and when he finally turned around when his smile lit up the room. His eyes roamed over my body, making me feel very conscious of myself. He met my eyes and stared into them, walking over to me never breaking eye contact.

"WOW...I...you look..." he fumbled.

I couldn't help but blush at his words. He wasn't even really saying words as such. But it was really quite adorable. I had to look at the floor it was kind of becoming a bit too much with him constantly staring.

I mean I was only in my everyday clothes, the clothes he sees every single day.

"You're not looking so bad yourself Edwardy."

"You and that nickname. Why do you use it? You know I hate it."

"I'm the only one who get away with it and everyone hates that only _I _can get away with it and just _cause_ you love me."

OMG I just said 'cause he loves me. We haven't even said that we love each other yet. Oh Crap, Oh Crap, Oh Crap.

I looked up into his eyes and really all I see is love. But because I'm me I don't want him to feel awkward or upset or mad or any other negative feeling for that matter, especially towards me.

"I...I really really didn't mean...ummmm...to put you...you know on th-"

He placed his fingers on my lips and told me to be quite.

"Bells...I...I love you forever and ever. I have for a while now and I'm sorry it's taken me this long to tell you. It's just that I was scared you wouldn't return it back."

He was seriously incredible thinking I didn't return the feelings. Okay I would have dumped his ass by now if I didn't love him, he should have realised that.

I stared back into his eyes.

"I love you Edward Cullen forever and ever. My heart, my life, my everything is staring at me and it's more than I deserve."

"You deserve more than what I can give you. I LOVE YOU. Forever and ever."

Then there was a throat clearing to my right and it was Charlie.

"Alright, you kids need to go. The night is still young and go and have fun and live for a while."

"Okay were off Charlie, I'll take good care of your girl okay."

"You just go have fun. If I hear you hurt her though that will _be _end of you though. You do realise that right?"

"Yes, Charlie...umm I mean sir?"

Charlie nodded and walked back into the kitchen.

Edward grabbed my hand and dragged me out of the door. Being the gentleman he is, he opened the door for me to go into the car.

"Hi Bella. How are you?"

"I'm very well Mrs. Cullen and you?"

"Please call me Esme and I am very glad to hear that and I am fine thank you for asking."

At the stage Edward had hopped into the car and was sitting next to me. He reached over and grabbed my hand and started to play with my fingers.

"Mum, you know where to go yeah?"

"Yeah, I know where were going okay. Don't worry. Love you Edward"

Edward goes really red and looks at me from the corner of his eye. "Yep mum, love you too."

I couldn't help but giggle. That was really cute. He wasn't afraid to say he loved his mum. I know for a fact that when I go to my mates houses and their parents say they love them they go 'yeah whatever'. They are going to regret doing that one day when they are no longer there.

We were driving to La Push where Esme drove us to the beach and told us to have fun, and then drove off.

We both slowly walked down the beach over the sand. Hand in hand. The sun had started to set.

Edward stoped walking. "Isabella I'm sorry if this is really corny but I don't really care at the moment. You are the most beautiful girl in the world. Every sunset, every sunrise, every beautiful thing cannot compare to you."

Okay. Where the hell did that come from?

The heat in my checks was rising and I probably was redder than a tomato at that very moment. But no one has said that to me and that was very special.

"Ummmm...Okay...Thank you." I didn't know what to say. Because you tell me what do you say to that?

I have no idea but I just started laughing and I had to sit. Edward did not look very happy I can tell you that much.

"How can you be laughing? My god...what the hell?" He was screaming by the end of his little rant.

I had to muster up my best looking puppy dog eyes.

"Edwardy...Edwardy...Edwardy look at me please?" I pleaded with him.

He wouldn't look at me. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

"Fine whatever, just so you know, I have no idea how you can even look at me sometimes you see people like Jessica and Lauren and they are constantly throwing themselves at you. Then there's me I feel small and insignificant to them. To hear someone say that I'm beautiful is different and to be honest I though you where lying a bit I mean I'm me. Look at me, and I mean really look at me. This is it, this is who I am. I don't see how that is attractive, but I like being who I am. But whatever I suppose." I paused looking at him, his mouth hanging open for the world to see. "Now I'm going. I'll find my own way home." I said in embarrassment.

I laid it all on the table for him, yeah we've been together for six months but, he puts me on this pedestal sometimes and I just don't see why, and he needs to know how I feel about myself. Hopefully he'll come to his senses because I have no way of getting home unless I walked all the way and Charlie would not be very happy if I showed up by myself.

I started to stroll down the beach looking out to the sunset. It really was beautiful. All the mesmerising pinks and oranges swirling in the sky. Truly breath taking. I was there at the beach I may as well just watch the sunset, I guess that was the reason we came here anyway.

I sat to watch the sunset over the water. The waves were crashing and colliding with each other.

Then I see from the corner of my eye that someone is walking up the beach with their eyes looking to the ground kicking a stone along the sand.

I turned and just watched the sun. It was going down slowly. Then the foot steps were getting louder and louder. Until someone was standing next to me.

I knew who it was from their extremely large feet that were situated next to me.

I looked up and I see he's looking out to the ocean watching the sunset just like I was.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to lose it back there. But you where laughing and I did mean what I said how you are the most beautiful everything compared to everything else in this world."

"You shouldn't be saying sorry I should be saying sorry, I was the one that made you mad because I laughed. So I am really really sorry." Insert puppy dog eyes "Please forgive me? I love you forever and ever and I am sorry."

He sat down next to me and put his right arm around me, pulling me to his side and started rubbing my arm to try and comfort me. I must admit that it was working.

"Please?" I probably sounded pathetic but I didn't care.

He looked down and met my eyes.

"I could never be upset with you...I'm sorry...I love you forever and ever." His face slowly started to descend towards my waiting lips. He brushed his lips past mine. "I love you Bells. Forever and ever."

He came down and kissed me passionately. I have never felt that much passion and love before. I could feel how much he was sorry, how much he cared for me in that one kiss.

He bought his hand up and stroked my check while his tongue was gently caressing my tongue.

He broke the kiss and we stared at each other. I was getting very tired so I gently placed my head on his shoulder. I stared out towards the sunset and it took my breath away. The sun was barely visible over the horizon but it was giving off a very nice variation of colour to the sky.

I could feel my eyes getting heavier as we watched the stars start to sparkle in the night sky. I remembered hearing the waves crashing against the rocks. Then nothing.

**(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)(*)**

I heard sea gulls squawking very close to where I was. I could still hear the waves crashing on the nearby rocks. The sun was rising and it had the same beautiful colours swirling around the sky as it did when it was setting. This date has been the best in the history of forever.

I opened my eyes and saw we had never left the beach. We slept at the beach. Crap Oh Crap Oh Crap. Charlie is going to kill me.

I saw that we were covered by a blanket. Edward was actually just laying there watching me I guess staring at me in awe. "You're really beautiful while you're asleep. You know that right?"

"No, I didn't know that but thank you for telling me I guess."

His longish Cullen hair was so messed up I couldn't help but laugh because he was looking so damn fine. His teeth were so white compared to his rusted coloured skin.

This was heaven and I loved it. There was no one around and it was extremely cold. But I felt safe, I felt warm. Knowing my big strong protector was with me all night. I didn't want to wreck the temporary heaven that we had, but I had to.

"You do realise that Charlie is going to kill you right?"

"Shit, you don't think he has his gun ready to shot me when we get back do you?"

"Oh, I don't know maybe."

I couldn't pass up the opportunity to make him squirm.

"Maybe Rosalie or Alice could cover for us and then Charlie won't kill you and definitely won't kill me or hang me by my balls."

Let's just say we called Rosalie and she helped us out saying that we spent the night at her house with her fiancée Emmett. She said something along the lines off "They were watching a movie when we went to bed and when we woke up they were cuddled up on the sofa asleep in each other's arms. It was so cute. They where adorable."

The condition was that we had to tell her what happened. Let's say she wasn't very happy with Edward at all but I told her that he shouldn't take all the blame and it was also my fault too.

Charlie was very angry and well he kind of grounded me for 2 weeks. Edward got grounded for 2 weeks as well. We were quite the pair at school never leaving the others side. We would always try and procrastinate after school just so we could be with each other.

The best date in the world, had consequences, but doesn't everything that we do in life have a consequence.

**(END OF FLASHBACK)**

The sun now had finished rising. The birds where chirping happily away in the nearby trees. Kids were playing on the jungle gym. Couples were walking through the park hand in hand or staring longingly in the other's eyes.

I slowly got off the park bench my eyes were so heavy from the crying. My head bent down, not wanting to look anyone in the eyes I began to walk back to the hospital.

I was walking down the corridor in the hospital when I saw that everyone was still sitting in the waiting room. They all looked up at me as I entered; staring at them I all saw emotions that showed that they felt sorry for me.

I went to the other side of the waiting room not wanting to be near any of them.

I heard the chair next to me move. Then a hand was placed on mine in a loving comforting gesture. I looked up to see who it was. My breathing stopped, but my heart beat was frantic.

I was looking in to the eyes of the one I love.

It was Edward, he was looking at me.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 2**

**Bella Cullen's Point Of View.**

"Hey Bells, Honey?"

"Huh?"

What the hell he's not supposed to be here, he's supposed to be gone. You know finished, dead, gone. Everyone is mourning him and yet how can he be sitting right in front of me talking to me.

"Bella honey are you Okay?" Edward asked.

"Does it look like I'm Okay?"

He looked at me like 'well what a stupid question that was'. Yes it was stupid, but it's such a Edward thing to do. I have no idea how but my arms ended up wrapped around him. I don't even know how that works, but you know what I don't really care.

The tears that I thought had dried up, where once again streaming down my face. "How...How are you here? They...they said that, that you where dead." I looked at his face

"Well I am. Dead if that is what you mean."

"As in you're a zombie?" What the hell zombies are made up creatures? But I need anything to grasp onto.

"No, not dead as...such."

"Not dead, I can see you. Your right infr-"

"I've got to go. I'll talk to you later. I love you so much." He kissed the top of my head. The touch was so real.

"I love you Bells. Forever and ever."

"I love you too Edwardy. Forever and ever." I watched as Edward just walked out the doors. Didn't even glance back at me. Not even to shot me his million dollar smile.

I looked over at everyone else at the other end of the waiting room. Not one person noticed, they where all caught up in their own world, except for Esme, she had a small apologetic smile on her face.

I feel so selfish right now, she's his mother and she was the one that gave life to him at the start. How is she feeling?

I know I saw him and I know that it sounds absolutely crazy but I did. I got to experience his loving embrace once more, his soft gentle lips as they touched my head.

They can put me away, but i know what i saw and nothing or no one can change my mind.

Their friend.

Their son.

But _**MY**_ husband.

He's still around.

**Esme Cullen's Point Of View.**

My son's gone. My baby boy is no longer. My shinning light has died.

Those words that were said by the doctor. Words cannot describe what I felt. Anger, confusion, but most of all I felt lost.

All I could do was grab onto Carlisle. He kept trying to reassure me, his usual touch would make me clam, make me see reason, but that wasn't working, and if that wasn't working I don't think anything would.

While he was talking to me in our own little alone time with him, he promised us to help Bella through everything, he couldn't be there, but he wanted what he thought to be the next best thing to be.

He gave me a letter to post to her, not give her. As he was giving it the tears wouldn't stop, and being parent you don't want to see your child cry. It was heart breaking. As i clutched the letter, he told me that he needed me to leave because he needed to see Bella and that he would never forgive himself if he left this earth without seeing her one last time.

As i left the room i looked back onto my baby boy, knowing that this was the last time i would see him.

They say no bond is ever stronger, than the bond a mother and child form. He was my baby, my little heartbreaker. I knew before the doctor came out that he was gone. I don't know but something died in me, moments before.

I saw Bella being held by Charlie. Then I don't know but I guess something snapped in her head and she pushed him off of her and ran. I don't think she realised it but she was screaming for Edward to come, to help, to be with her.

The pain radiating off of her was so much worse than mine I believe. A bond between mother and child _is _strong, but a bond between two lovers is even stronger. The need to be there for each other, the need that you have for them, lovers are everything, there your other half, they keep you sane, they keep you being you, without losing yourself.

Bella was so young and yet she found her soul mate. To have the love of her life taken away from her at the age of 22. WOW. I have no idea how I would live if Carlisle were to die and we've been together for 25 years. We have spent so long with each other. We know each other better than we know ourselves.

Bella on the other hand only had a matter of a couple of years to be with Edward. To find his weaknesses, his strengths, ways in which made him mad, made him sad and made Edward, Edward.

Carlisle's still holding me. I clutched to him even more realising I have to cherish every moment that I have with him. Who knew that something as tragic as your son dying, would put your whole life into perspective?

The doors to the waiting room opened and in walked Bella. I looked at the clock and I saw that several hours had passed. She looked terrible her eyes where puffy and red. The dried up tear trails leading from her eyes. She looked at us all. I know no one wants others to feel sorry for them. But I honestly did feel sorry for her. She lost her reason for being.

She started studying all of our faces and she obviously didn't like what she saw and she stormed off to the other side of the waiting room and sat down in the rather ugly blue chairs. She starred at the ground.

Bella looked up and a mixture of emotions spread across her face, there was happiness, sadness and confusion.

Her lips where moving as if she was trying to have a conversation. Her hands came out of nowhere and they looked as if she was hugging someone. No one was there, she was hugging the air, but boy did it look real. The height in which her arms where and the way she presented her body. It looked as if she was hugging... I know it sounds crazy, I probably am, but I honestly looked as if she was trying to hug Edward.

The tears that seemed to have subsided where back and they where gushing down her cheeks.

She watched the doors next and I have no idea but they somehow opened and she was waving ever so slightly with her right hand. While her body was shaking with her sobs.

I looked around to see if anyone else had seen the turn of events that has just unravelled. No one seemed to have noticed anything, they were all too caught up in their own grief, trying to deal, with someone in whom they love and now have to face the lost in their own way.

I looked at Carlisle, he's looking at the ground, a puddle has formed from his tears, from his pain, form his endless love he felt for _OUR_ son. I wrapped my arms around his waist leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I love you Carlisle, so much." I cried out to him, which caused more tears to be shed.

**A/N – Sorry about the last chapter I really had to get to work, so yeah I'm sorry I didn't put any author notes, and I really wanted to just put it up. So what do you guys think? **

**I also just want to say thank you for even reading it. I know there are mistakes but i don't actually have any one to read over it, because no one really knows I am posting some of my stuff up.**

**Femexiee**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 3**

**Bella Cullen's Point Of View. (Charlie's house.)**

The morning had arrived the most miserable day of my life so far. I could not have been more upset, frustrated and angry all at the same time than at the moment then I have been in my entire life. I was going to lay my first and only love to rest.

I saw that it was raining outside kind of fitting. I'm so confused with everything that has been going on, I have cried my eyes out, till I think the tears have stopped but they haven't.

I dragged my sorry ass out of my bed, stood in front of my closet and just stared. I was knocked out of my state when there was a knock on my door from Charlie telling me I had mail.

I saw the one letter that was addressed to me and immediately knew it was from. But how?

As soon as I knew who it was from the tears started to come freely and I just couldn't stop. How could this be a letter from him? He has been gone for a week and...No, no, no, no it must be addressed wrong.

I then at that point read the envelope at the front and it said...

Bells Cullen,

34 Evergreen Road,

Forks, Washington, United Stated of America.

It was addressed to BELLS only Edward ever called me that. It couldn't be from him, could it?

I slowly turned the envelope over and see that yes it is from him. It has our house address as return to sender.

It was getting hard to breathe at the moment, what could he have to say to me?

I slowly moved my shaking right hand to the envelopes seal.

I can't open the envelope he used that, he used it to encase the letter that was meant for me, it will be ruined. He touched it. He took time to make it like it is.

I was fighting an inner demon saying by opening the envelope I'm damaging the memory of Edward, but this is ridiculous right? I mean it is just an envelope. But then again it is not just an envelope it is an envelope that Edward had touched, and now he's gone.

I knew I wasn't going to get anywhere so I just placed the envelope on the bed just wanting to think about if I could open it or not.

I walked into the bathroom. Sitting in the counter was a Black outfit that's customary at all funerals as a sign of respect.

Edward hated the colour Black on me. He loved the warmer weather and he always requested that I wear a summer dress, to show off my 'amazing' legs.

I wasn't there for anyone else today. I was there for Edward. If he hated Black on me then why do something that he hates, on the day that he's supposed to be remembered. I have to show him that I did listen to him that I did understand him.

I walked back into my room and stood in front of my closet and there it was the dress Edward gave me.

**(Flashback.)**

"Bella…Bella are you even listening to me?"

Alice was trying to get me to do something. But whatever that something was I had no idea.

I stared at her as if she had just spoken another language.

"Well I take that as a no." she mumbled under her breath.

"I don't get what the big deal is. We are just going to see my mum."

"Bellaaaa it's hot in Florida and you need pretty cloths like, dresses and skirts and sandals and…"

I kind of tuned out after that because either way Alice would get her way and buy the clothes any way. Sometimes I even wonder why I even try to fight her about this.

"BELLA." She snapped at me. "We need to move it now if I want to get everything for you, in time for your trip."

She grabbed my wrist and pulled me out my bedroom door, down the stairs. Yelled over her shoulder goodbye to Charlie as we rushed out the door.

As we had successfully got into her canary yellow Porsche and sped through town on our way to Port Angeles.

We ended out the front of Meyer's. As soon as we walked in the sale ladies where all over us, asking if we wanted help. I saw Alice step to the side with one of the ladies, while all the others where annoying the hell out of me. I glanced over to see how Alice was going and she was saying something into the lady's ear.

All of a sudden the lady straightened out and went to the back. Alice come fluttering over to me with a huge smile on her face, this smile was saying 'you're going to love what I have planned' TRANSLATION: I need to find somewhere to hide.

I looked all around the store and there where racks that I could easily reach if I ran, let's just hope that my clumsiness doesn't affect my ability to run in front of everyone.

I saw Alice flitter back over to a new person that had come from the back; I saw this as my opportunity and ran. I saw there was a huge rack of big winter coats on a sales rack; I thought it would be genius to hide behind in it.

I made a little pep whole so I could see the enemy making her moves toward me. She was nowhere to be found, I looked around standing on my tip toes, but it was no good. Why did my best friend have to be so short, this is why I hate going shopping because I always run and hide and she comes out of nowhere and goes –

"BOO BELLA."

"What the heck? Are you trying to send me to an early grave?"

"Bella darling you are way too predictable, there is never any use in hiding from me" she walked away and then turned over her shoulder and shouted "'cause I always win." Then she winked and went back to the sales assistant.

I probably looked like my puppy just died, because I was dragging my feet as I walked over to Alice. She was animatedly talking to the sales assistant as I stood next to her and then she noticed me. FINALLY.

"Bella, so nice of you to join us."

Then out of nowhere she dumps a whole pile of clothes in my arms.

"These are all for you by the way."

"WHAT. Why? Are you crazy?"

"No silly, but follow me I have a surprise for you." She giggled and turned and left. Obviously wanting me to follow her so I did.

She went into a room on the other side of the store and closed the door. I could hear whispers going on; I couldn't exactly open the door since I still had all the clothes pilled on my arms.

"Aliceeee…Aliceeee let me in please…I'm begging you pleaseeee."

I waited to hear anything from the other side of the door just as I was about to dump all the clothes on the floor and rip open the door. I heard footsteps coming closer and closer towards the door.

I was looking at the floor because I didn't want to see the anger in Alice's eyes. The door opened, I looked up to see Edward.

"Hey beautiful, how are you?"

He bent down to brush his soft gentle lips against mine. I forgot where we where and dropped the clothes and threw my arms around his neck. Obviously surprising him with my enthusiasm.

I could hear Alice cursing in the background. Something about that these clothes where ruined and that she would now have to go out and change all the items.

I tried to deepen the kiss with Edward but he gently pushed me back, obviously wanting to look respectable in public especially around all these older women, who would be jealous at all the romantic stuff he does for me.

I whimpered at the loss of contact from his lips. He showed the biggest smile obviously very satisfied that he could turn me into putty with just the smallest moves.

He moved his lips to me ear and kissed the hollow of my neck tenderly and whispered. "It's Okay we can do more of that later."

I could feel my face burn up. I looked over at Alice and she had a knowing smile playing on her lips and she looked away and went up to a sales assistant I didn't even know was there.

"Edward, not that I'm not ecstatic you're here. But why are you?" The smile on his face become much wider than I would have liked but he leaned into me and I honestly thought he was going to kiss me.

He kept coming closer and closer, my heart was beating frantically. But to my dismay he paused with just mere millimetres between our lips, I could feel his hot breath fanning over my face. "I'm here to get you a lovely dress for our date tomorrow."

"Why do I need a dress…I mean we _live_ in Forks and you're telling me that I need to wear a dress…you do realize that I am going to freeze beyond compare…_right?_"

He started shaking with laughter and to be totally honest I don't know why it was so funny. He wanted _me _to wear a dress in _Forks_. Were it doesn't stop raining and is always freezing now I have an idea but in what strange world is it fine to wear a dress when the weather is so bad? "Bells honey…why do you think I am going to be there. I'm going to be your own personal blanket. The one you are going to snuggle up to, when you are feeling cold or scared or just maybe when you want a hug."

The feelings that ran through his eyes where phenomenal and seeing that he cared in that moment was just incredible. All I could do was blush and turn my head and bury it in his chest. He started to rub his hands up and down my back, letting me know that it is was alright, and that he was sorry that I might feel a bit uncomfortable.

Trying to change the subject, something I don't do very well but it seemed to work this time.

"So if we are going to be getting a dress can we get a move on seriously I hate shopping and _you_ should know how much I despise it. Yet here_ you _are, wanting _me_ to go shopping."

"Yep, pretty much. Now come on and move that cute little butt of yours so we can find you a dress. Oh and by the way it's my shout. So do not put up a fight are we clear."

We wiggled his finger in my face and what was I suppose to do just let him pay for a dress and since Alice was here would cost him a fortune and that was not okay with me.

"Edwardy…" insert puppy dog eyes "…you know Alice is going to pick out the dress and it is going to cost way way to much money. You need to save if you want to get your motorcycle."

He looked at me and thought that it would be bad if you continued to fight me about this, so he stopped grabbed my hand and walked me into the clothing area. Once we were in the middle he stopped and spun me around to face the selection of clothing in front of me.

"Pick anything, and if you say one thing about the price, I will take you to the most expensive restaurant with in a 100 mile radius and you won't be able to complain."

I had to nod my head and agree, because he would seriously do that.

We had both looked around through nearly every rack of clothes for as Edward put it _'the dress'_ and well we had come close to finding it, it never really was '_the dress'_ though.

We had only a couple more racks to go through so I said to Edward that he should just go through those racks while I finished the rack I was on.

It was hopeless I had looked through the rack many times just making sure I didn't miss any dresses that could be '_the dress'_.

I was going through the rack for what felt like the millionth time, when I felt hands clamp over my eyes.

"Guess who? And guess what?"

"Ummmm I don't know is it Edward? And I don't know what?"

"I found you '_the dress'_."

He thrusted the dress into my view. It was absolutely perfect. The way the different shades of blue and white mixed together and flowed freely around from the waist band down.

It was amazing. I Got on my tip-toes and kissed his cheek causing _him_ to blush. Edward blushing, I know, not something you seen very often and for it to be caused over shopping as well. Who would have thought?

I cantered over to the dressing rooms and put the dress on. Walked out to meet the stares of my boyfriend, best friend and several sales ladies.

I twirled around so they could see how the free flowing material worked. Yet, they were all still looking at me with mouths a gape. I looked down to make sure nothing was out of place. But nothing.

"Well...is someone going to say something? 'Cause to be honest you guys just gawking at me is making me very uncomfortable."

That seemed to do and it snapped them out of whatever trance they were in. Edward started to walk over to me but was stopped by my best friend who was jumping up and down in front of me.

"OMG...you look...what can I say, you look hot."

Oh god no crap. If she thinks I look like that, crap what does Edward think?

Alice stood back and then Edward took calculated steps towards me, I think he was trying not to fall over. Which would have been very cute.

"Honey, that looks...ummmm wow."

He sounded so unsure of himself.

"So then I take it I don't look like a complete whore then?"

"No you don't look like a complete...yeah. but you look...words won't do you justice."

How adorable, he knows just what to say to make me blush.

I thanked him for choosing such a lovely dress for me and went and changed back into my clothes.

We left the store and that night I had my date with Edward and I wore the dress. He couldn't keep his eyes off of me, a couple of times during the night he had to keep some little 'admirers' at bay. He is so cute when he is all protective of me.

We danced and even though I kept standing on his feet which would stuff the dance up, and the people around us were laughing at me, but none of it mattered I was having the time of my life.

During our dancing we even found 'our' song. It was Joshua Radin's song 'I'd rather be with you'.

**(End of Flashback)**

I grabbed the dress out of the closet that was the first and last night I wore that dress, I haven't changed that much in the last two years since he brought and plus I want to look nice for Edward, I attempted to curl my hair and everything and I think it kind of worked out. I put on subtle amount of make up on.

I was trying to find my ballet flats that go with the dress, when something shinny caught my eye in the corner of the closet.

It was the locket that I got from my father for my 10th birthday. I fiddled with it in my hand just looking at it. I opened it and in their was a photo of my as a baby in my parents arms, both looking so happy with massive smiles on their faces.

On the other side was a recent photo taken a couple of months ago. The photo was of me and Edward, we were in the park and he had grabbed a flower from one of the plants and placed in my ear. From the angle that the photo was taken you could tell Edward was holding the camera. We were both looking at each other with goo-goo eyes.

I shut the locket and fastened it around my neck. I placed my hand over it, closed my eyes and took a deep breath trying to calm myself. It didn't really help my heart was racing.

Charlie knocked on my door and said it was time to go. I opened the door to tell him I'll be down in a minute when I saw Alice standing in the hallway.

She was wearing the customary clothes, which was black all over. Her hair was pulled up into a nice simple neat bun.

She raised her head and I meet her eyes and they where glossy from her holding in all the unshed tears and I saw her hands were shaking.

As smile played over her lips as she assessed what I was wearing.

"You look stunning...Edward would be speechless if he saw you today."

I forced out a smile for her. Then she ran at me and kept saying that she is sorry over and over again.

I tilted her head so she would look straight in my eyes. "You don't need to be sorry." As hard as it was for me to say the next thing I did anyway. "I know Edward would think I look stunning...but it's just not the same without him saying it...this is his dress anyway."

"I know I was there when he picked it out for you remember." I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

I looked at my desk and saw the letter just sitting on my desk; it was staring at me with its words on the front.

Bells Cullen,

34 Evergreen Road,

Forks, Washington, United States Of America.

"Alice can you please just wait for me downstairs for a minute."

"Sure Bella whatever you need."

With that she walked down the stairs. I heard her talking to Charlie. I couldn't let that bother me at the moment.

I stalked over to my desk and just stared at the letter. I picked it up and held it, looking over it. I walked down the stairs with the letter still in my hand, I was clutching onto it for dear life.

I saw that Alice had seen the envelope and she looked up at me. I held it up and she walked over cautiously and she read over the address and realisation dawned on her face just like me. She knew who the letter was from, from just reading the 'Bells Cullen' part. She knew just like so many others that no one but Edward called me Bells.

She shocked me by just saying very demandingly I must add. "Isabella you better open that letter or so help me."

Okay she may be small but she frightens the hell out of me. I had to oblige. I took the envelope and looked at the front to who it was addressed to, I flipped and looked at the return address.

Very carefully I slid my finger under the flap and started to move it along the top of the envelope opening it.

I took the letter out and saw that it was a single sheet of paper. I unfolded it and read it.

_To my dearest Bells,_

_I'm so sorry you probably hate me so much right now – not that I blame you. I mean I'm not there for you, I'm never going to be there for you ever again. Thinking I'm the one that put the pain on your face, it was your face I saw last, it was you that kept hanging on for so long. I. I wouldn't have been able to have survived that long if I didn't have the picture of you staring at me._

_I will never forgive myself for that day, if I didn't want to always give you what you wanted I wouldn't have been there that day. Instead of heading to my funeral, we would of been watching horror movies and making a mockery out them, like we always do._

_You have been my everything, my world, my love. I am so very sorry. I hope you can come and talk to me about it. Just please come and see me, even if it be for the very last time, to say you've moved on. _

_Remember that for the rest of your like I will always, always, always I LOVE YOU. Even in the afterlife you will be the reason I stay, I'll watch over you, to see you grow in to someone incredible. Just so you know once again that the last person I thought of was YOU. The last person who ever made my existence worth wild was YOU._

_I want to thank you for everything because without you I wouldn't have had the strength to fight this long but I did and thank you. You have given me the best memories that anyone could ever ask for. I think about all the times we were happy._

_I LOVE YOU my beautiful, loving, carefree Bells._

_You will forever be in my mind and most of you will always take up my entire heart, whether I see you again or not._

_Love always your Edwardy._

I had tears in my eyes and I looked up to see that Charlie had joined Alice in watching me read the letter.

Charlie looked absolutely pained and Alice she looked as if she felt sorry for me. I couldn't take their scrutiny any longer.

I ran I couldn't deal with it and I need out. I need an out NOW.

**A/N – Well there you go, the next chapter. As I said it's a short story and there are only 2 chapters left. You may think what I right is a little over the top, but to be honest what in a written story isn't dramatic?**

**Let me know what you think.**

**Femexiee**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4**

**Bella Cullen's Point Of View.**

I dashed out of the house and ran; it seemed that when everything was getting to tough I just ran. Not something I'm sure Edward would agree about.

I ran down streets, passed people that where giving me very strange looks, but I didn't care I was in so much physical and emotional pain that I'm surprised that I'm even functioning.

I wasn't watching where I was going but I run into someone and the steadied me.

I murmured my thanks and kept running, I heard whoever it was trying to get me to stop, but I couldn't so I just kept running.

As I was walking down the street that was only a couple of streets away from Edward's funeral I heard a car pull up beside me. I did not recognise it at first. Until the man that jumped out of the car and came and embraced me in his signature bear hug.

Emmett always looked out for me. He treated me like I was his own sister, so that included teasing, getting me to trip just so he would have something to laugh at.

He was a big bloke who I thought was very intimidating when I first meet him. He towed over me and yet when I walked in he picked me up and said 'Welcome to the family Bella. I'm sure Aunt Esme is going to be jumping of the walls in excitement when she meets you.' To say I was shocked was an understatement. Ever since then I was a part of their family.

Emmett was running his hand up and down my back trying his best to comfort me. "Bella, it's going to be okay." He kept saying it over and over and over again. How did he know everything was going to be okay? He couldn't see the future.

I finally found that I was composed enough and I let go of him. I looked up into his green eyes, they looked so much like Edwards. I thanked him for being there always, I thanked him for always helping even if I was being a pain in his butt, and I just thanked him for everything. I know saying thank you could never explain how grateful I was for him being in my life, but it was all I had.

"Bella I think it is time for you to head to the funeral." He looked into my eyes then giving me a very heartfelt look. "You need to go and give your speech to everyone."

Great. I forgot all about that. I have to give a speech on everything I loved about Edward, how he was my everything and always would be.

Emmett grabbed my hand and lead me to the church and inside the funeral had began. I opened the doors and everyone was looking at me.

As I was looking around I saw that everyone was wearing black and I was wearing my bright dress. To be honest I didn't care what they thought I wasn't here for them I was here for Edward.

Emmett gripped my hand tighter and we strode down the aisle while everyone was looking at us. Some people had disgusted looks on their faces, while others had pity and sorrow.

We had made it to the front row and I took my seat next to Esme. She had tears going down her face already and they didn't look they were going to stop any time soon. She looked up at me eyes sparkling.

"Bella you look lovely...I just...I just wish Edward was here to see you look so radiant." All I could do was smile at her, I couldn't form words on how much I was feeling, emotionally and physically.

As the ceremony went by people got up and talked about their memories of Edward and how they were going to miss him. There were 2 photo montages the first one was of all his friends and family with him.

The second one made my heart go wild, it was all just of us. The first photo was of the picture that was in my locket of Edward and me then the opening credits said 'To true love that was ended'.

All I could do was cry, I was crying looking up at all the photos of us. The last part of the montage though broke my heart. It was a video.

Edward and I were in the park with Alice that day because it was one of those rare sunny days in Forks. We were just talking about anything and everything, getting to know each other I think are the better words.

When our song started playing form the speakers in the park, he picked me up and was twirling me around. Giving me his biggest goofiest smile he could gather up.

We were both laughing at each other and you could hear Alice giggling and going 'awwww' behind the camera and then she started chanting 'KISS KISS KISS KISS'.

Edward then grabbed me by my waist and wrapped his arms around me and his face was getting closer and closer to my face. He looked at me in the eye as his face was descending on mine in a rather slow pace.

His big soft gentle lips meet mine and he looked as if he was being so careful, as if I was the most delicate thing to him.

His hand was up at my face caressing my checks. He broke the kiss and stared at me lovingly. "I love you Edward, forever and ever."

I remember remembering thinking I am so lucky to have someone like him in my life. "I love you too Bells, forever and ever."

Then the video cut, that was the end. I decided to look around me now and I saw everyone was looking at me with compassion. Everyone had tears in their eyes.

I returned my attention back up to the front when the minister said that it was my turn to speak to everyone.

As I was getting up Emmett and Esme both squeezed the hand the where holding in encouragement.

I started to head for the podium, as I was walking I could hear whispering in the crowd. I turned then to see everyone looking at me. The tears were back in my eyes streaming down. I tried getting them under control, it was sort of working. I squared my shoulders and faced the room.

"Well we all know why we are here today. To celebrate Edward's life. You all probably think I am showing some sign of disrespect by wearing what I am wearing but I can tell you that I am not.

"Did you guys know that Edward picked this dress out for me? Did you know that he would never take his eyes of me when I was in this dress? Whenever we were out he would always be fighting off the guys that tried hitting on me. He blamed the dress. I always told him, that he shouldn't blame the dress because he picked it out and that it was his own fault. But to be honest I think he liked the part of rescuing me, so he would seem all big and mighty.

"He always wanted me to wear this dress not matter what type of weather it was. He said that if it was really cold and I wore the dress that he would be by my side to keep my warm. Just like my own personal blanket.

"Well now you know why I am wearing this, I'm not wearing it for you guys I'm wearing it for Edward because he loved me, I loved making him happy and he was happy when I wore this dress and because he was happy I was happy. This dress just needed to be worn one last time before it is never to be worn again. I couldn't think of a more perfect place then right here, saying goodbye to him one last final time.

"Now I have to say something to Edward...

"_They tell me to let go of you but I can't._

_No matter where my heart is you will always take up a place._

_You will always be my shinning light that will still help me through my darkest hours._

_You're not going to be there for the rest of my life._

_But then again you no longer have your life._

_I'm never going to witness having you interacting with our kids, the kids that you would do anything for._

_I couldn't live without you but now I have to._

_It's going to be hard for me to think of my future when you won't be in it._

_You were my first true love and now I'm saying good bye to the one person that made me the happiest._

_The one person I will never forget and the one person who will never be far from my mind._

_I want you here like the want we have for air I don't need air anymore because you are no longer taking deep steady breathes on the planet that you should._

_You are laying in the ground where I wish I was._

_Just wanting you to hold me one last time just wanting you to say I mean everything one last time._

_I want you even though you broke my heart and I'm sorry for everything I'm sorry for not being good enough I'm just sorry._

_I will want you forever and I know forever is a very long time but you are so worth it, you made me so happy that I would cry happy tears. Which you would wipe away._

_But I just want to make sure that where ever you are you are thinking of me and I hope that you are waiting for me because even though it kills me to wait to see you again I have to._

_Then I will have all these brilliant stories to tell you about my life, my future whether that be with a husband and kids. But then I will always think you were the guy I was suppose to have that with and that you were taken away but then as I tell you the stories and there will probably be some crazy stories and yet you probably won't believe me but you said you would watch over me, so I suppose you would see my life you would see my struggles, you would see everything that I do._

_So I can't wait to see you because you are my everything and always will be._

_I love you and I will never forget you no matter what happens. I love you Edwardy, forever and ever."_

I looked up and everyone was looking at me, it was very nerving to say the least, I am not sure if what I said was the right thing but to be honest it didn't matter, it wasn't about them, it was about Edward.

"Bells honey, I will see you soon, Okay? Sooner than you think."

I looked up and saw that Edward was standing at the doors to the church. He started to walk down the aisle. Humming the wedding march.

"It's a real shame that I we never had the big church wedding.

"Oh and by the way everything that everyone has said to you about you looking beautiful, spectacular, stunning, and radiant I couldn't agree more. You know when we would've decided to start a family, you would have looked radiant, and you would have the baby bump slowly forming. I would have fallen in love with you even more, you would have been giving me the gift of life.

"You need to be careful now about all the boys that will be coming after you now. Always make sure Emmett is with you to help. He will set them in line." He waggled his finger as if telling off a five year old. He should be doing that to _our_ five year old.

At this stage he had walked up onto the stage and was standing in front of me.

"Honey you should know, I never meant to hurt you. To be honest I can't wait to hear all your stories of your family, of the man you fall in love with.

"You know what, forever isn't that long. I'll be waiting for you no matter what. Even if you new guy is very protective. I still got to have you first, I got to enjoy you while you were growing and changing into the wonderful woman that now stands before me, and I saw you change into that.

"I love you forever and ever Bells honey. Don't worry you will always be in my mind no matter what happens or where I go but I will wait to see you. I love you. Forever and ever."

He then turned and walked and then he just disappeared into thin air.

**A/N – Edwards gone, she's 'moved on' for the time being. Notice the quotation marks. There is one last chapter to sum it all up.**

**I needed a whole box of Kleenex's as I was writing this chapter i couldn't stop, it was somewhat embarrassing.**

**Anyway, what do you think?**

**Femexiee**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5**

**Bella Cullen's Point Of View.**

Watching Edward as he vanished that day was so hard. He was right there, and I didn't say anything to him I couldn't speak. It was all so much, him finally being recognised as being gone and having nobody, to fall back on. He was everything to me and no one and I mean no one can ever take his place.

He was my true forever and I should just be lucky that I got a piece of what a true forever is like. Some people don't ever find anybody, someone special, the way Edward and I connected I have never felt anything like that.

But isn't the saying that it is 'better to have been loved than to never have experienced love'.

I looked around our house, the house we brought, the house we were going to spend the rest of our lives, the house that will now have none of that.

I have the photo taken of the night he proposed to me. We are just staring at each other with so much love we had gone through so much and there wasn't anything that could of stopped us.

It's what I longed for, seeing his eyes, his smile, the feeling of happiness. I haven't felt that in nearly three years. It was three years he was taken from me. One thousand and ninety-five nights I have cried myself to sleep from exhaustion. Three years I have felt empty and alone, everyone has moved on with their lives, Alice and Jasper have a daughter named Lilly Isabelle Whitlock. Emmett and Rosalie have a son named Anthony Edward Cullen, he was named after his uncle.

I would go out with them at the start and I watched their stomachs grow with life, which was excruciatingly hard. Knowing that Edward and I would never have that. When we used to hang out when Edward was with us, it was the gang. Now I'm the fifth wheel, I witness the others look at each other as if their the centre of the universe.

I feel left out, they all want me to move on, but that just causes me to snap at them. I don't want to be snappy at them.

It's been weeks since I've left my house, since I've gotten a phone call, since I've seen the people that are supposed to be my best friends.

I got up went to the bedroom door and locked it. This was it, this was me getting out of this hell, finding my relief from the pain I have lived with for the last three years.

I opened the cupboard and there it all was, as if he never left, his clothes all hung up, his shoes scattered all over the bottom, his scent saturated the cupboard, whenever I need him and I didn't want to go to the cemetery I would come in here and sit, it made me feel closer to him.

I couldn't bear to touch any of his stuff, Esme came over two weeks after his funeral and tried packing up all of his stuff, telling me that I had to move on. I just yelled and freaked out, I didn't want him to be gone. I know I will never forget him, as a person, but I was scared that I would forget the memories.

I glanced at the gun I had snuck from Charlie's after the funeral. Many nights I would just stare at it, wanting to shoot myself but never having enough guts to follow through.

Tonight is different though, tonight is the night I'm gonna end my life.

**Alice Whitlock's Point Of View.**

I hadn't seen Bella in weeks, I've just been so busy, with Lilly and then finding out I was pregnant again so soon after Lilly was born.

I closed my little boutique early specially making time to see Bella, she needs a friend. It may have been nearly three years but she has never really gotten over it, she hasn't moved on, she hasn't been living, because she lost half of herself that day.

I know when Rose found out she was pregnant then when I found out she become even more distant. It was then becoming that each time we saw her it was further apart in time and that her eyes where constantly rimed red, that gave her away that she was crying.

As I walked up the path to her house something just didn't feel right, something felt off. I got to the front door and there was a letter taped to the front. _**TO THE PEOPLE THAT I LOVE**_, was written across it.

I ripped it form the door and opened it.

_To the people I love,_

_I am so very sorry for everything that I've put you through. I know I've been difficult to handle, but I miss Edward so much. I haven't felt whole since he's been gone._

_You say you understand but you don't. You haven't lost the love of your life, the reason for everything that you stand for. The reason for living._

_He was just like me but he had a dick._

_Half of me died that day, and the only way to get it back is to be with Edward._

_This is my final note, my final letter, my final everything._

_Tonight is my last, I take my last breath, my heart takes its last beat, I cry one last tear._

_I'm going home tonight, I get to see him. I get to be whole, I get to be me._

_So goodbye and I love you all, I'm sorry I have to go this way but it's for the best. Now you don't have to worry about me, because he's gonna take care of me, just like he promised you guys when we got married._

_Have great fun filled lives, and never forget either of us because we'll be waiting for you._

_All the love in the world. MRS. EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN._

No I have to stop this, I put my hand on the handle of the door and it swung open. I didn't even think but I run up to the stairs to Bella's bedroom. I tried to turn the handle but it was locked. I pound on the door, "Bella, you have to let me in." I screamed with tears flowing down my face. "Bella please."

I paused just listening.

BANG!

That sound ricocheted around the area. "BELLA! NOOOO!"

**Bella Cullen's Point Of View.**

I pulled that trigger and everything went black.

After a little while I heard in the distance, "Bella?" It was getting louder, "Bella?"

Finally something came into view, it was Edward. "Edward." For the first time I felt whole, I felt happy. He was right in front of me, his arms came around me crashing me to him. "I've missed you."

"You have no idea how much I've missed you." His hand came up to my face and caressed my cheek. I looked up at him, his piercing green eyes where bright. "I love you so much Bella."

"I love you too Edward."

We where together now, I was happy, I felt whole and it's all because of Edward.

**A/N – As I was writing this chapter I had the song, STEVE'S THEME by AARON ZIGMAN playing over again. It's just a classical piece but it was the song in 'THE LAST SONG' the piece of music that Ronnie and her dad composed together. Which signifies the death of Ronnie's dad.**

**So there's the end, We are currently studying ROMEO AND JULIET in class and loves dying because they couldn't live without each other really got to me.**

**I am also writing just a little bit on how Edward proposed to Bella. It will be a one shot and it sort of has a different way i wrote it. So look out for that.**

**So after all that what were you lasting impressions out of 10, 10 being the highest.**

**Femexiee24**


	7. READ PLEASE!

**So this isn't a new chapter obviously but I just wanted to let you guys know that the new little one-shot that goes with this story is up.**

**So yeah read it and enjoy.**

**It's called **_I'd Rather Be With You_**.**

**Ring a bell from the story?**

**Femexiee24.**


End file.
